Her own “Phantom”

Here I am again, walking in the same street for a thousand times.

It’s my daily routine that you cannot take away from me. The same stupid feeling again and again and again.

My heart is pounding, my sweat glands starting to secrete sweat on my temples, my lips are drying. I lick it a bit then swallowed hard. Trying to control my self not to vomit, I feel dizzy, like the whole thing around me is spinning. I feel sick again. It’s difficult to breathe, as if there’s a scarcity of air that is so expensive to inhale.

Voices inside my head started to debate:

YOU CAN DO IT! YOU CANNOT!

YOU’RE NOTHING BUT A SCARED LITTLE DOG!”

I whimpered and shut my eyes, making them stop. Why do they have to fight? Who will I listen to? They’re like my own phantom.

I’m scared, my body is trembling, I feel my knees weaker and weaker any minute. People I pass through are looking at me like I am another crazy person on their eyes. I’m murmuring positive things, like; “I can make it”, “nothing will happen”.

I ignored them. I look down and continue walking. My earphones is already on high volume, trying to broke my eardrums. The beat of the music I am listening too is jiving with my pounding heart beat. It’s like I am waving inside my living nightmare that I couldn’t escape.

I’m scared and that’s all I know.

I’m scared about I don’t know.